Making room for anger

“The turbulence means you’re flying-stay the course.” @joelakaMaG

I read that tweet roughly an hour ago. I retweeted it, then read it again as one of my followers ‘Liked’ it. Then, I read it again.

I’ve been struggling to write a post…an update on my goal of getting things in order to apply for teaching jobs abroad. I’ve been struggling to write a post because I’m angry. I’m really angry. I’m oscillating between being angry, telling myself not to be angry, and being motivated to do what I need to do to get the hell out of here.

Someone is causing undue turbulence on my ‘course’ to leaving.

After 2 months of sending emails (to the same person), stopping by the office to follow-up, and finally finding someone else to do the job, my certification paperwork was submitted to the licensing board the week before Christmas. After 2 months of waiting and being lied to about the status of the paperwork, it was actually uploaded electronically.  What does that really mean? Well, I have two fewer months to complete my certification requirements because the certificate expires at the end of June. I have 5 months to complete a program that is designed to take a year. I may not finish in time to apply for teaching jobs abroad.

I am mentally exhausted by the mere thought of this task. There’s a strong possibility that I can do it, but it would mean I’d have even less time for myself to, you know…rest.

Being inconvenienced by someone else’s incompetence has, again, placed an undue burden on me. If I am serious about pursuing teaching opportunities in the UAE, I have to get the work done in 3 months. Like I don’t have other things to do.

How do I tackle this huge task without being consumed by anger? How can I make room for a healthy amount of anger, without allowing it to consume too much of the precious little time I have to get the task completed? Sure, I can envision living a life abroad with plenty of sun-filled days, paid living expenses, etc., but I cannot deny that some level of pissivity (yeah, it’s word because I typed it) will always be present. I do not want to consider my level of pissivity if I cannot finish in time; or, if I am delayed again because someone else drops the ball.

In the past, I used anger to motivate me. I was younger and had more energy. I’m older and tired. But I need to make room for this anger.